Holding a Safe Space: What Coaching Actually Is (And Isn't)

While most people have heard of coaching, it tends to be interpreted in many different ways and most of those interpretations miss the mark entirely.

For many, "coaching" conjures images of sports. I studied Sports Science at Loughborough University, and my experience of my volleyball coach was a highly experienced professional who told us exactly what to do to excel through continuous feedback and a lot of shouting.

The terms "business coaching" and "life coaching" add even more confusion. Some people assume it's therapy disguised under another name, practiced by unqualified people, involving hours of crying and being overly emotional. Others expect to be told what to do and given a proven model to follow for success.

Neither is accurate.

Consulting, Mentoring, Therapy, or Coaching?

Part of the confusion comes from not understanding how these four disciplines differ:

Consulting is when an expert analyses your problem and provides solutions based on their expertise. They tell you what to do based on best practices and proven methodologies.

Mentoring is when someone who has walked the path before you shares their experience and guidance. They advise you based on what worked (or didn't work) for them in similar situations.

Therapy explores past wounds and patterns to heal psychological pain and trauma. A therapist helps you understand why you are the way you are, often working through childhood experiences and deep-seated emotional issues.

Coaching partners with you in the present moment to unlock your own answers for the future. A coach doesn't give advice, share their own story, or analyse your past. Instead, they ask powerful questions that help you access your own wisdom and create your own solutions. They help make your unconscisu conscious.

All four are valuable but they serve fundamentally different purposes. Coaching assumes you are whole, capable, and resourceful. It's not about fixing you; it's about helping you see what you can't yet see in yourself.

What Coaching Actually Is

The International Coaching Federation (ICF) defines coaching as "partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximise their personal and professional potential."

For me, coaching is about creating a safe environment free of judgment where the coachee can solve their own problems by examining areas they might not usually explore. This process creates self-awareness and sustainable change within a fixed period of time.

Here's the radical part: the coach doesn't have the answers. You do.

The Art of Holding Space

Building trust is essential in coaching. But holding a truly safe space is harder than it sounds.

We're raised in a judgmental society where we're continuously compared to our peers at school, socially, and throughout our careers. We're wired to judge everyone, everything, and most harshly, ourselves.

This is why professional coaches continuously work on their own self-awareness. To be fully present and adopt a neutral posture, I need to distinguish between my own emotional baggage and what my coachee is bringing into the session.

In a coaching stance, I act as a mirror, reflecting what the coachee may not see themselves and encouraging different ways of looking at a situation. This is why professional coaches are often recommended to pursue their own therapy alongside their training to understand their own wiring and triggers so they don't project their views onto the situations being shared.

A coach reformulates what they hear at the service of the coachee to encourage self-reflection. Literally, like a mirror.

A word of caution: This posture isn't sustainable in everyday life. As coaches, we have our own perspectives and emotional triggers like anyone else. This is why we refer to being in our coaching "posture" or "stance" – it's a specific way of being we step into to serve our clients.

Why a Coach's Personal Development Matters

High impact can certainly be achieved by running proven processes and models of questioning. But in my opinion, a coach's own personal development adds tremendous value to the quality of neutrality and therefore the safety they can hold.

This allows space for deeper and more transformative work to take place.

My intention in putting myself through intensive personal development work was to better serve my coachees individually and in teams by holding a higher quality safe space. While this self-discovery journey has been painful and disruptive to my life, it has also been deeply healing.

I'm discovering that the more I understand my own wiring through tools like Process Communication Model and NLP, the better I can hold space without my own patterns interfering. The ICF’s code of ethics and professional training is also fundamental for this. The more neutral I can be, the more my clients can access their own wisdom.

The Real Question

So what is coaching? It's not advice. It's not telling you what to do. It's not therapy, though it can be therapeutic.

Coaching is partnering with someone to help them find answers they already have but can't yet see.

It's holding up a mirror with such clarity and neutrality that they can finally see themselves clearly enough to make their own empowered choices.

Have you ever worked with a coach? How did it impact your professional or personal life? I'd love to hear your experience in the comments below.

Lauren Cartigny is an ICF certified professional coach specialising in individual, leadership, team, and organisational coaching, and the founder of The Self-Science Lab Ltd..